5 key aspects of harmonious relationships

BY Shadya Karawi-Name
01/05/2019

Relationships are our biggest mirror. Through them, we get to fully and deeply understand aspects of ourselves that it wouldn’t be possible to see otherwise.

As humans, we are social beings. We are immersed in constant interactions with other individuals that are, just like us, going through this human experience in the best way that they possibly can.

In the actual times, we have come to believe that we have to be strong and independent enough to do it all by ourselves. We have gotten to believe that with the ever- present technology we have to rely solely on ourselves and be so self-sufficient that we can easily go without any kind of physical contact through days.

The reality is that as a specie, we really do need each other to survive. It is simply impossible to have our evolution go forward if we don’t establish relationships with one another.

Since we are young children we have learnt how to relate to others. Depending on the dynamics that we had with mom, dad or our main caregiver, we develop an attachment style that will greatly mark the way by which we connect with the people that we build relationships with.

If we are not truly aware of what we’ve been dragging on as children, we will spend our lifetime repeating the same patterns, in a desperate attempt to recreate the initiale bond that we shared with our parents.

Relationships aren’t always easy. In fact, many of them are painful. They bring out the worst of us. They make us connect with our deepest shadow. They move our old wounds and, without notice, they activate all of our alarms, fears and doubts.

All of this hardship makes that we choose to close our bodies and our souls in order not to establish relationships with others. We do it without actually realizing that we are building a huge armor that will not only keep pain away but, inevitably, love too.

The great Rumi once very wisely said: your task is not to find love, but to find all the walls that you have built against it”. And, precisely with those beautiful and intense words, I invite you to make an inventory of all of the relationships in your life, starting by the one that you have with yourself.

The most important relationship

Without hesitation, the most important relationship of our lives is the one that we have with ourselves. The way in which we treat and speak to ourselves, generates in equal perfect proportion the way in which the outer world interacts with us. It is as simple as that: what we give, we receive.

Many of us believe that we are a construction of what society demands, of the limiting beliefs that we’ve been carrying for years, of all of the should bes. This leads us to an empty place, where we don’t even know who we truly are.

The first step is to peel layers to leave ourselves naked to be able to connect with our true essence, that purity that is our divine right and that we so freely and easily expressed as children.

What can you do to love yourself more? How can you incorporate daily self-care practices into your life? How would you treat yourself if you were your best friend?

Letting go and making space

By making a profound analysis of who we are, how we show up to the world and what is it that we hide, change and transformation is fostered and with it the relationships in our life start to change too.

Maybe we don’t have that much in common with those friends from school. Maybe it doesn’t bring me any more joy to share lunch with my colleague. My partner and I could be seeing life differently. The relationship with my dad might be toxic. And, just like that, life forces us, in a way, to put a magnifying glass over our relational spectrum.

Even though this might be scary, it is, in reality, such a blessing It shows that we have changed. That the caterpillar is now a butterfly. That now that we are connected with our true value we give ourselves the permission to choose who we really want in our life. We establish healthy boundaries. We learn to say no. And, above all, we remember that we have a limited resource of time and energy and that gives us the great power of choosing who do we want to share it with.

It is normal that, initially, when we have embarked in our self-development process, our day to day relationships change. This can cause profound pain and in many cases it can be experienced as grief, so it is important to honor it and give ourselves the space necessary to mourn. After that, I am convinced that when we allow ourselves to let go of all those things that no longer fulfill a purpose of love in our lives, we are opening a wonderful space so that new people enter to learn us new lessons.

Harmonious relationships

Harmonious relationships are such a gift. Those relationships where we can have different views, but we can talk it all through, where each person has their own life and takes full responsibility of his own wellbeing, where we can grow together, support and accompany each other.

This is why, today, I want to share with you the 5 key aspects that help us identify which are the harmonious relationships in our life:

1.Balance between giving and receiving

When we give more, relationships end and the same happens when we overgive. Harmonious relationships are a constant flow of what we give and what we receive. It is being able to know until where I can go and what the other person can do. It is identifying how we complement each other. It is remembering what the other needs to feel loved and how I can express it.

2. Peace

We have a general peaceful feeling that brings tranquility into our life. This doesn’t mean that there are no differences or conflicts. On the contrary. It gives us the possibility to freely express how we feel, by being in a secure space. It is verifying that in a harmonious relationship emotions are dealt with, and that tolerance and respect are key ingredients.

3.I can be myself

I can express myself fully. I communicate all of my needs. I am vulnerable. I don’t hide behind masks and I show all parts of me. Being truly authentic is what allows a profound and real connection to be built, in total acceptance of who we are.

4. Aligned values

We identify what are the main values for us. We have a similar vision on the important things. We are in total sync on what are our priorities.

5. An active energy exchange

I am interested in seeing the relationship flourish. I remember that it is a lie entity that needs care. I am aware of the other person’s needs and I can express my own. When I am with that person I feel that I am expanded, energized, more connected. interés en que la relación funcione. Recuerdo que es un ente vivo que necesita ser cuidado.

Remember that there are no better or worse relationships. All of them are here to teach us something. All of them are showing us sides of ourselves. Be grateful for all the relationships that you have had and for the ones that you will have. All have been in your life to show you all of your light and all of your shadow. All of them have been important. All of them have been necessary. From now on you have the power to choose in what way do you want to establish relationships.