A Valentine’s Day, with no Valentine or Valentina

Valentine’s day, for since I can remember this day has always existed. Every February 14th the great Valentine’s Day, the day when everything is sold with the idea that this day one should receive flowers, eat chocolates, have a romantic dinner with a partner, make love in a passionate way, etc. Today, I’m a happily married woman. But looking back at my adult life, not every February 14th I had a Valentine or a Valentina by my side.

 There is a popular movie called Valentine’s Day, with a great cast that includes: Aston Kutcher, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Garden, etc… In this film you can see how this day is lived from different perspectives. There is the love of a couple that has just started to date, the love of a married couple, the first love, the love of an old couple, even the love of a mother and son. There are so many love scenarios that we see, but none of these tells us how to live this day if you do not have a partner.

 

How to live Valentine’s Day without a partner? A question that several will ask themselves at some point in their life. But looking at the question from a larger spectrum, it would be something like:  how do you live a life without a partner? How do you get to your thirties without having a boyfriend or if you do, without having a ring? As social beings,  we have pressure from our surroundings to have a stable couple’s life.

 

Well today I want to tell you something, having a partner is not everything and to celebrate Valentine’s Day you already have the perfect person, yourself. Because instead of buying chocolate for your partner, you can buy it for yourself. Why go out to eat at a restaurant accompanied, if we have the opportunity to go to your favorite place and eat what you want and enjoy it? There are many scenarios where society has put it into our heads that the relationship that we must cultivate the most is the one with which it is with our partner, but the reality is, that the relationship that we must cultivate and love the most is the one we have with ourselves.

 

Self-love, the incredible and immense love of ourselves does not make us narcissist or selfish with others.  It’s about cultivating and feeding the person with whom you will be for the rest of your life and who is the most important, yourself. Thinking about the things that are good for you, before agreeing to do something for someone else that doesn’t do you good, is fine. It’s okay to put yourself first and even second. It’s okay to set limits and say no to other people, because in the long run, the mission is to be able to be okay with ourselves before being okay with someone else.

 

If while you read this blog, it is Valentine’s Day and you do not have that partner, I remind you that today is the best day for you to celebrate and love yourself. Being in a relationship without knowing how to love yourself is counterproductive because if we do not know how to love ourselves, how do we know if we love the other well? The definition of self-love is the acceptance, respect, perceptions, value, positive thoughts and considerations that we have towards ourselves and that can be appreciated by those around us, it is a mental and emotional state that makes us feel good about ourselves.

To increase and stay in that state of self-love, you can try doing things that make you happy. Exercising, yoga, meditation things that feed you physically and mentally. It may be eating what makes you happy and that you never allow yourself to eat. It can be reading a book, watching a movie, series or documentary. Painting, doing a puzzle, everything that involves playful activities that make you spend time with yourself and bring you emotional well-being.

 Listen to ourselves, be mindful and aware. By being attentive and aware we are constantly in connection with ourselves and we know what we want and what we don’t. We know that it is convenient for us and that it is better to stay away. Knowing that it resonates with us, with our values, with our way of being.

 Act around our needs and not of what we want. By loving each other, we are fulfilling the mission of giving ourselves what we need, and thus being able to help others when they need us. If you focus on what you need, you move away from the automatic behavior patterns, often learned by society, that are unhealthy, such as those that help you stay anchored in the past.

 Good personal care is also essential in self-esteem. Satisfy your basic needs, such as sleep, food, intimacy, and establishing social relationships. Surround yourself with people who bring you positive things in your life.

 Establish limits with others and with ourselves. Everything that affects you physically, spiritually, and emotionally in your life, learn to say no, bye, no thanks.

 One of the things that are the most challenging for us is to forgive ourselves. Knowing that we are as well human beings, and that we as well can make errors and that we also deserve second chances, to make things better to keep learning and building our lives.

 One of the things that help us focus the most and opens the way to self-love, is living with a purpose.  Having clear what those purposes are for your life. Surround yourself with people who share your same values. 

 Working and living with purpose helps us know where we want to go. We feel uplifted and proud of ourselves. Being flexible when things don’t go as we planned them and understating that everything happens as it should, is all in our favor.

 So remember, this Valentine, give yourself a lot of love. Bring into your conscience what it is that you want, and where you want to go. Ask yourself if your living a life working towards your purpose. Wondering when was the last time you gave yourself flowers or gave yourself the pleasure of eating what makes you the happiest. When was the last time you said I love you to yourself? Be your Valentine and your Valentina, and remember that this relationship is the one that matters the most.

 

Maria Lucia Pardo(Guest Author) Psicóloga

My name is Maria Lucia and I am a psychologist. I’m passionate about psychology because of what it has taught me and keeps continuously teaching me. Throughout my experience and education, I’ve had, I’m grateful to have the opportunity to help those who are in search of an emotional balance. I completely trust the huge importance of knowing more about emotions and the impact that it has on permitting yourself to feel them. You can follow my work on Instagram at @diariodeunapsico