“Anger is a poison that one takes waiting for the other to die.”
Fritz Perls, immersed in Gestalt therapy, illustrated the importance of not meet the needs of others more than your own. “I am not in this world to meet your expectations, nor are you in this world to meet mine. You are you and I am me. If at any time or at any point we find it will be wonderful. If not, it cannot be remedied ”Fritz Perls. What if we are really aware of that proposition, the actions/attitudes of others should not affect us since the other is a universe completely different from ours, and has no responsibility to keep and nurture our emotional intelligence.
If we really perceive our inner psyche and control what we feel, we can modify the interpretation of our environment and our reaction; well we are really solely responsible for our way of reacting (which sometimes ends up sabotaging our own process) But why do we Is it so difficult to control ourselves when feeling anger? Because anger is nothing but a translation of something unfair to us.
Think right now of any situation that generates anger; It is because you seems unfair, right? The moment you recognize that behind anger there is no more than a taste of injustice, you understand where it comes from, you process it and it is
eventually easier to release. Once you understand the why of your emotions, you make sense of them and manage the change in reaction; you start to balance your mind that shapes your human experience to something more enjoyable
than becoming an implacable judge of others.
We all believe that our point of view in front of the other or the situations are objective truth, but our experiences are colored by our personal perceptions that really prevent you from seeing the objectivity of the matter. Is For this reason it is difficult for us to let go of anger, we believe that we are always right. The cause of our suffering is to think that we will find happiness in the other,
and if our happiness is always going to depend on someone else or their actions against you, you will spend your life looking for it.
1. Sow awareness of the power of your perceptions
We have to acquire a supernatural ability to take responsibility for our perception and that eventually, that will lead to being wrong about the truth. The lenses that we put on when viewing a situation are ours, sometimes it is necessary to change or remove the saddle to observe better. You will not always be right, it is okay to accept it and not fight with it. When you objectively identify where you failed, it is easier to take responsibility and release the tension of anger. If little red riding hood tells the story, the wolf will always be the bad guy.
2. Without an authentic self, the development of a relationship is not possible authentic
When you observe another, you should observe him not like you you would like to see it, but as it is. Understanding that the other is a different world yours and that’s why it makes it fascinating. Not because you would have thought or
experienced differently, it means that the other must-have experienced it in the same way. Anger arises when you believe that the other must be what you want me to be. You have to be authentic and likewise, enable the
development of an authentic relationship, understanding, and sharing from the difference of perspectives.
3. Do not drink the potion of anger
You are still clinging to a certain situation/person as you cultivate anger towards it. The only person who will be mortified daily fighting with that injustice will be you.
It is not easy, but I assure you that it will stop being exhausting. It is not necessary don’t even play the anger game when you understand that actions the other does not necessarily have to do with you, but with internal voids
4. Take away the only power it has
Your attention You really do understand the latter, you have understood everything. Your attention to that person/situation that causes you so much discomfort has only one power and that is that you follow it feeding with your attention and effort. You have the ability to focus on what you want and more importantly the control against the reaction.
We all agree that experiencing anger is frustrating and exhausting. Nobody likes to feel it and less to cultivate it indefinitely. Maybe you will never have the closing, explanation, apology, and action that you wanted but not for that you have to become contaminated with it. Do not fight against what could not be; Conversely, understand more and more why others perform the actions they perform, in many times it is not directly with you, it is because of parenting patterns, empty internal conflicts, personal conflicts, and even just reactions to how they face the situation. Sometimes they hurt us only to feel “better” with misery own. When you understand that anger only kills yourself, but not the other, no you keep taking it. Do not remain in prison, if you were free you would have a choice and that you keep cultivating anger!
Being angry won’t hurt the other person as much as it will you.