Let’s talk about resilience

By Luisa Argueta
17/04/2019

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places"

E. Hemingway

What is Resilience?

Resilience, in simple terms, is the ability to cope with painful events and turn them into a driving force of growth. This means that beyond being an optimistic person, a resilient person takes the reins of his happiness to know that no matter how painful an event is, you can move forward, learn and become stronger.

Can we all become resilient?

Yes, yes and yes! Nobody is born being naturally conscious and with all the emotional intelligence tools integrated in their system. Being resilient is not a characteristic reserved only for a few. Each and every one of us can, based on habits, tools and a sincere opening of our mind and heart, become people who learn and are enriched by even the most painful experiences.

The history of humanity is a clear example of resilience, imagine: How could the survivors of a war continue to live if this were not so? And even in all the processes that each of us have to live, how could we survive losing a loved one? Or rejection? Or a break up? Or a trauma? We can, because human beings are resilient beings.

10 Things to keep in mind to exercise our capacity for resilience

1. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

Thus, pain is part of the processes of life, each and every one of us has experienced or will experience painful moments as part of their path.When we lose a loved one or go through any type of painful event, it is important to live all the emotions that this brings, cry, take time and space, live the grief, recover little by little. Why? Because pain demands to be felt, it is not advisable to ignore, cover, or try not to feel it. It is important to let it be, to welcome it, to thank it, to forgive (us) and then let it go in due time and when we are ready.

It is important to achieve resilience not to burden pain like a backpack wherever we go. It is very important to decide with conviction and tenacity that although pain is inevitable, choosing prolonged suffering is a completely optional decision.

2. First you, and then others: Take care of yourself

This is, without a doubt, an important pillar of resilience. “If you do not love yourself, you can not love anyone else” How many times in our daily lives, as parents, mothers, children, brothers, couples or professionals, we forget ourselves? Develop our personal care, from our mind and spirit, to the care of our body and the integration of healthy habits that work in our favor, are a key pillar, not only of resilience, but the basic principle of having a life more balanced and happy.

Take care of yourself! You deserve to rest, breathe, stop for a moment, give yourself space. This will help you to be in better tune with your emotions and will make you stronger at the moment of facing any challenge that may arise.

3. Live the present: One day at a time

Living one day at a time. Almost always we focus on the past or we worry about the future and we forget that the only moment that really has all the importance is the present. Living outside of it, usually brings us a lot of unnecessary suffering. With this I am not saying that this is an easy exercise, but it is absolutely rewarding to try. Be happy today! Appreciate the small details. If you can make this moment the best that is in your abilities, you can make sure that your future will be wonderful.
This concept is very important within resilience because when we go through a painful event we often think that it will be eternally painful. “there is no evil that lasts a hundred years” says the popular saying. Then, living day to day teaches us to remember that, although it sounds trite and it is very difficult to believe in a moment of pain, this will shall pass.

4. Try to see the whole picture

The powerful tool to understand that everything happens for a reason. How many times has it happened to us that when we remember a moment of loss or pain we realize that without it we would not be the person we are today? Seeing the whole picture helps us to be certain that, over time, we will realize that pain has left us invaluable lessons.

5. Environment: Surround yourself with positive people

Surround yourself with people with a positive and constructive vision, who you can accompany and let them accompany you during difficult times. Friends and family that add and contribute to your desire to have a life where resilience plays an important role.

6. Trust yourself

This is one of my favorite arguments. When we imagine ourselves going through a difficult time, many of us are afraid to stay stuck there, not being capable, not being able, simply being impotent facing that situation and we think that if something happens, we will not overcome it. Choosing this fear over all things, will bring us a lot of pain in itself, it will prevent us from living a full life, it will leave us paralyzed.
Therefore, it is very important that trust starts in you. Trust that no matter how hard whatever you are going through is, you are a fully capable being to overcome it, learn and move on. You are an incredible being.

7. Learn to let go

As repeated thousands of times by Mabel Katz, the lecturer and teacher of Ho’oponopono: Let go and trust! When you find yourself in a challenging or painful moment, a great tool is to let go.

Letting go refers to the idea of letting go of control, trusting life and being certain that everything is perfect at the moment it happens. It is to stop a second our natural reactions to the problems and from that place return to balance knowing that the only thing that we can control is our own reaction to challenges.

8. Do the things that make you happy

Dance, sing in the shower, play sports, take walks on the beach, travel. What makes you happy? Find a job you enjoy. Happiness is the secret of abundance. Doing everything that makes us happy day after day is exactly our purpose in life. For this very reason, it is undoubtedly something that will help you to be a resilient person.

9. Sharing and thinking about others

You will ask yourself, how after advising you to think about yourself, the advice is that you need to think about others? It is as simple as sharing with others, giving our time, resources or whatever is within our reach, elevates our spirit and helps us heal our own wounds.
So come out of your shell and with small or big gestures think also about the welfare of others. Take care of someone else. Share a little of you and that will strengthen you in an unimaginable way.

10. Ask for help

How easy it sounds and how difficult it is, we almost always have in mind that we have to go through all the challenges of life alone, trying to find all the answers for ourselves. Well, let me help you get rid of that pressure. You do not have to do it alone! Ask for help, talk to the people you trust, maybe think about starting a therapeutic process, meditate, only you know when and how to do it, no one can exercise any kind of pressure on you, but definitely, if you are going through a bad time and you need help: Ask for it, you will find it.

And you, how do you connect with your ability to be resilient? Tell us some experiences where a moment of pain has driven you to grow and learn. We are here for you.