Life moves on and our friends too

For a few years, my life has changed drastically, and although some things have remained constant in my personality, there are several that have changed as a means of adapting to the moment of life that I am living in. As we move forward and grow as people, we begin to transform who we are. Although our essence always remains, the things that happen to us change the eyes with which we look at life, as well as the way we react, perceive, and live life. One of those big changes we have is the friendships we make along the way.

 Throughout life, we ​​live episodes that make us rethink ourselves; that change us, and teach us to be better people. Our values ​​are being transformed with the lessons that life brings upon us. Over time, we understand more and more what each value means, and which ones are the most important to us. Our values ​​begin to be the center of our social life, of our existence. As our values ​​evolve, our friendships do too. We choose our partner based on them. We try to make our work and the policies of the company we work for conforming to our values.

Another aspect that causes our friendships to change as we move forward in life, is that we learn that quality is worth more than quantity. When we were young we wanted to be part of a great group of friends. The more friends you have on your social networks, the better. The more people attended your birthday, the more recognition you were going to have on a social level. Over the years we understand that it is preferable to have three good friends, with whom you share values, among other things, and you can count on them at any time.

A friendship is an investment, it takes time and dedication. I prefer to spend quality time with these three friends, to be running and looking bad to the rest for not having enough time for them, or for me. It is an investment because it requires dedication to cultivate trust and admiration for the other. Sure, we can admire a person as soon as we know him, but true admiration occurs when we know him in depth.

 Life’s needs and circumstances are also a reason why friendships evolve. As the circumstances of our life change, so do our needs. There are people who start to get more involved with co-workers, or with people who have children. In the change from school to university, we meet people who share the same interest as us in the career they decided to study. As changes occur, we adapt our lives and needs to our friendships. We want to surround ourselves with people who understand what we are experiencing and for our own interest, people who help us. If we live in a new country, if we change companies or partners, we are meeting new people who are part of this change.

 Another aspect that is changing in our life is our tastes for food, music, our sexual orientation, or our profession. The music that I like today is not the same as what I used to listen to in my teens. Furthermore, my life no longer revolves around music, and those friendships that I made at that time because of this shared taste, have taken different paths from mine. Humans, are social beings, and we surround ourselves with people who share our same ideals, as we grow, we are more and more faithful to this because as young people we want to socialize to survive in society. We may have different tastes, but if we preserve and share the same values, friendship will remain.

 Each person who enters and leaves our life has a mission. This person can be part of our life, for five minutes, a week, three years, or ten, but without a doubt, he comes to teach us something. This is how I have learned to see friendships, as people that I greatly appreciate that they are part of my life, but I also understand that most of them may not be for life. I try to live detached from friends, always appreciating what they bring and mean in my life. Part of the process we must do in these circumstances is letting go. Letting go of that friend who was important at a time in your life, who was there for you when you needed him most. We will always be grateful, and we will remember them fondly, but we must let go of the people who pass through our lives.

 

Of course, they have always taught us that good friendships are like wine, the older the better they taste, but I do not agree. A friendship is not measured by the number of years, but by the intensity of the things they have lived and learned from one another.  Not for more time of friendship, it will have greater value than one of less time. It doesn’t mean that those friends that you’ve had in the past have no value, but those friends have complete the mission they had at the moment, and without them, my life would have been more difficult.  There are friendships that have last since kids and still exist during adulthood. You usually don’t talk every day to them, but when you do it’s like nothing has changed. 

 

As time passes by I’ve had the opportunity to choose those friends who I want to surround myself with. Those who make me feel good and share the same values I have. Some of these friends are so important to me, that they become part of my family. One thing that’s true about friendship, is that friends are there to multiply our happiness and divide our worries. Thank you, friends!

Maria Lucia Pardo Psicóloga

My name is Maria Lucia and I am a psychologist. I’m passionate about psychology because of what it has taught me and keeps continuously teaching me. Throughout my experience and education, I’ve had, I’m grateful to have the opportunity to help those who are in search of an emotional balance. I completely trust the huge importance of knowing more about emotions and the impact that it has on permitting yourself to feel them. You can follow my work on Instagram at @tubalance.emocional